A Picture of Denial.

More even than any of her other posts, I think it’s worth re-blogging this one from my daughter, my still beautiful daughter. Read and take note.

Fanny the Champion of the World's avatarFanny the Champion of the World

I spoke to a friend the other day. A friend who was deeply upset, because one of his friends had left it too late to check himself out… and now has a cancer which can’t be cured. We don’t yet know how long he has. It’s heartbreaking, and more so because it could have been avoided.

In the meantime, I’ve been receiving – for two bloody years – requests to put a heart on my wall, or an eight ball as my status, or to accept the challenge of posting a black and white picture, or a no make-up selfie, to raise awareness for cancer. Well, challenge accepted. Here’s my black and white, no make-up selfie, no hair selfie, no boob selfie, and no husband selfie. Our most recent portrait together, a few weeks ahead of our fifteenth wedding anniversary. ❤️

You don’t raise awareness of cancer by putting little…

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Author: margaret21

I'm retired and live in North Yorkshire, where I walk , write, volunteer and travel as often as I can.

29 thoughts on “A Picture of Denial.”

      1. Yes, it was difficult to avoid the b word (brave), but she is going above and beyond handling it in that she is also educating the rest of us on the process, the emotions, the effects on her family, and I think that takes a lot of courage to expose youself like that.

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      2. I’ve just seen your comment on my daughter’s blog. So sorry. But you seem two of a kind: facing it out the best way you can, with humour and determination. Good luck.

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  4. So brave again and such honesty and so right to share the message ‘in your face’. I just hope the GPs listen and refer promptly, sadly (from our immediate family experience) doesn’t always happen – persistence is sometimes necessary.

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    1. She’s very lucky. Their family doctor was also Phil’s closest friend, and she counts two more GPs among her own friends. They look out for her.

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  6. I’ve been so moved and impressed with the writing “Fanny” has done in response to all the slings and arrows she has experienced. She has a perspective all her own, and has been generous, and brave, in sharing it.

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  7. Margaret; I did reply to Ellie – but the comments are not allowed (or maybe it’s a hick-up on Wpress…. It’s a theme which can’t be talked about enough – especially how to avoid later problems and to build up the courage to fce it as early as possible. Thank you for sharing – makes your little joys and pleasures (coffee & scones in the train…) take another dimension altogether!!!! Yeah, make the best of every day.

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    1. Oh dear, I don’t know why the comment wasn’t allowed. Very moody, WordPress, sometimes. But thank you for trying. Yes, it’s been a tough time, and she doesn’t like her saying she’s been courageous, but she has, in all sorts of ways. And all those little pleasures, like coffee and cake and a good walk in the country do help.

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  9. Hi Margaret, Ellie’s photograph and her message add up powerfully. I think that she is truly courageous and generous to reach out to others even from the midst of her own grief and the aftermath of her own diagnosis and treatment. I so hope that the side effects of the treatment are on the wane and that she and the boys have a restorative time together during their planned holiday in August. Sending you all very best wishes.

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    1. Thank you so much. Luckily, so far radiotherapy is not TOO exhausting, but in any case, soon it will all be over, and they can work towards some kind of normality. Yes, as far as they’re concerned, roll on August!

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      1. Thanks so much Margaret. I was so undecided whether to share all this. Hard to judge anything really when travelling an emotional roller coaster, even if it is sometimes in slow motion.

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      2. Roller coasters are hard, whatever pace you take them at. And watching, waiting and trying to offer support, rather than being the one actually caught up in the disease and its treatment is a whole different thing, isn’t it?

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  10. Yes it is. We were given helpful advice by a hospice counsellor years ago after my sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus, and that was to listen first and not try to “make things better” or offer unsolicited opinions. So if she wanted to talk about difficult things, have courage and be there with her, and if she didn’t want to talk about things, respect that too. I found that it took away the burden of trying to “do the right thing”. Not that any of this is easy, and sometimes one does need to be proactive. I am astounded by the number of people who are judgmental, prescriptive and have strong opinions often based on anecdote and insufficient and/or outdated knowledge, or who start telling someone who is sick about all the sick people they know and whether they recovered/died or whatever. In my mum’s case, we are so grateful for a kind oncologist and considerate nursing staff and for wonderful support from the local hospice, who know that one cannot generalise about cancer and that individuals respond differently even to the same treatment.

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